I had a long conversation with a friend of mine about pornography the other day.
But first, let me take you back about five years. I had been involved in the volunteer fire service for only months at the time. I had seen very little "real" fire at that time and was what many people refer to as "green." Now, when an individual joins a volunteer fire department, he almost undoubtedly has a romanticized view of what it means to be a fireman. Often, he or she has seen heroic rescues on the news and has seen the Hollywood cinematography trying to depict what it is really like "on the inside." I was no different. I had seen Ladder 49, Backdraft, and every other terribly inaccurate firefighter depiction and thought that I would be just like them. Then, I had my first fire. The house burned all the way to the ground. People lost their home. But I thought I was supposed to save the day! Instead, I was left with soot-covered bunker gear, a sore back, and fire hose to clean and roll. The owner of the home fared worse. What went wrong in this story? Did I at any point in the previous paragraph state that I had been properly trained in the harsh realities of fire service? Did anyone make me aware that heroic days are far outnumbered by days of tragedy? As a probational firefighter, I had filled my mind full of heroic images and romanticized beliefs of what that first fire would be like, and I was let down. Hollywood had failed me by not preparing me for the truth that unfolded that day.
The truth is, a camera is of no use in a real fire and there is no way to make a movie interesting. Instead of running through an open room like the "John Wayne of fire", a fireman is usually forced to kneel down and crawl in tight, dark spaces. Fire is not some majestic showing of beast-like proportions. The fireman does not get to have a "slay the dragon" moment. The truth is, a firefighter often crawls inches from the ground with so much smoke it is tough to find direction. When the fire is found, it is often more of a glow through the darkness than a gorgeous flash of brilliant reds and oranges. But I don't really blame Hollywood for this ignorance. I blame the images I placed in front of myself. I blame the fact that, instead of filling myself full of training books and learning about what it is like to be a real firefighter, I took pictures in front of fire trucks and watched movies about firefighters. In short, I had designed a litmus test of what it is to be a firefighter, and the day I was called to serve, the experience didn't measure up.
Back to the present. During my conversation with my friend about pornography, I began to think about why that is such a disastrous addiction. I know that our society explains that pornography is normal. People outside of the Christian faith point to terrible statistics that instances of porn addiction in the churches is very similar to those not attending a faith community. I have even heard of Christians who say that they watch porn with their spouses. What makes me think it is dangerous, then?
Another digression. I have a friend who works with individuals in nursing homes. She is involved in speech therapy. She described to Tish and I one night about a man she takes care of that is suffering from lessened cognitive awareness. Apparently he is one of the nicest men, who speaks so kindly to others. As she described the joy of this man, her next statement stuck with me. She has a theory-- if you could even call it that-- that the things you fill your mind with when you are younger will reflect later on when you lack the mental capacity to keep your thoughts to yourself. In other words, she was saying that a man who keeps his thoughts pure when he is capable of hiding them will shine with purity later in life when his mind begins to diminish.
This brings me to two points. The first is somewhat abrasive. I believe my wife is a rock star. She is absolutely gorgeous to me and I am outrageously attracted to her in ways I care not describe. You might just want to read Song of Solomon and you might get the picture. However, I know there will be a time when she will turn gray, possibly gain weight, and wear thick glasses to help her see. Will I still be attracted to her in the same way? I believe that all depends on the litmus test I select at this stage in life. If I fall into the trap of a pornography addiction and am staring at 22 year old girls on a computer screen doing things that I cannot describe on this post, then I would suggest to you that I will have romanticized the concept of a healthy sexual relationship and hold my wife to an unfair standard. If, however, I choose to hold my wife on a pedestal and refuse to watch other women perform sexual acts, then that would mean I have a fair litmus test on which to rate my relationship with my wife. My litmus test would be a test of reality and life, rather than romanticized viewpoints and dramatizations.
My second point is this: I truly believe that the words I speak are a true character witness of who I am inside. I must freely admit that using choice words and inappropriate language has long been a weakness of mine. I certainly make strides to contain that language and those thoughts. If I keep sexual thoughts and words on the forefront of my conscience by watching online videos, then at a point in my life when my character is called into question, I firmly believe I will fail that test. Click here for a wonderful story about being of good character.
The reality check: Okay, so if I am not supposed to fill myself with those images, what is appropriate? Well, as I alluded to earlier, a healthy concept of sexuality is found in Song of Solomon. Moreover, examples of the destructive nature of sexual immorality are found throughout scripture. David and Bathsheba come to mind. I also figure that if it takes viewing sexual images outside my marriage to stir romantic feelings, then maybe it is time to rekindle some things in my own marriage. How about looking through a couple of photo albums, taking a picnic, or take a romantic vacation? No matter what it takes, the focus needs to be on the marriage relationship, not on outside distractions.
Other verses:
Matthew 12:35-37
35The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. 37For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."
2 Timothy 2:20-22
20In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. 21If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.
22Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
Philippians 4:8
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
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Questions:
Is there a thought process or addition in your life hidden that would be less than favorable to be heard? Naturally, this is more of a rhetorical question, but if you choose to reply to that question, feel free.
Do the thoughts we fill ourselves with early in life reflect our words later in life? Even if we don't suffer from lessened cognitive awareness and start speaking out of turn, is it healthy to allow these thoughts to pervade at any stage in our life?
I would be honored to hear your thoughts on how I am right, wrong, or otherwise.
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